SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
