my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
