I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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