Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
