dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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