just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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