remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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