I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
