I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Come share oat with me in your robe
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
