for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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