you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
