did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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