According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
