it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
