My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
