true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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