I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
