I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
