Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
