u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
