Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Bring me that man meat
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
