I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
