He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm both gender and math confused
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