Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
