Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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