She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
