Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
pray to the hookup gods
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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