there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
