I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
