May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
