Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
