On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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