My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
