i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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