Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
