Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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