There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
