what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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