I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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