I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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