I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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