Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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