But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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