so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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