i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon