i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?