Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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