My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it