I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
