Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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