His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
