So drunk its hurt
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
