I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
