I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
