And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
