Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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