im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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