i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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