i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
