I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
