like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
