Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You need Xanax blowdarts
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
