My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
