if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
