she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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