I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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