Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize