Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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